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The Six Worst Songs I've Ever Heard
Aug. 18th, 2006 08:31 pmA hacked version of the end credits from Sonic the Hedgehog.
Yeah, this is what happens when you mess around with hex values in the music part of the rom. Granted, there are parts of it that are actually decent sounding, which is more than could be said about the other five.
Barney the Bear - Does A Bear Care (No question mark on the page)
Done by the same guy who did Charlie The Hamster, except slowed down. This one annoys me more than the others, which include a fish (reverb), a "beep" (?!?), and a goat (bleating), for some reason. I don't know why.
Prussian Blue - Victory
Not only is it sung really badly, but the instruments are out of tune, and they just sort of snarl. And I hate their political beliefs and since they won't seperate them from their music, I won't either. And they're responsible for the new generation of hate music, which is bland. Granted, the stuff they had before was awful and consisted of Strong Mad eating guitars and kicking trash cans while someone with Tourettes syndrome yells out stuff, most likely racial slurs.
Prussian Blue - Lamb Near The Lane
Check out the lyrics!
Anyway, I'll let Seanbaby talk about this one.
Racism is on its last legs. In less than a generation, racism has gone from a tragedy to a sitcom B-plot. Sure, racism is always there for you in case you need to win an argument against a white person, but as a danger to society, it doesn’t have the eye of the tiger it used to. Nothing makes that more clear than the white power movement’s latest propaganda machine: Prussian Blue. To envision this musical duo, imagine if there was a clerical error at the frozen brain reanimation center and Hitler accidentally got put inside the Olsen Twins. You’d have Prussian Blue. More importantly, if that happened, someone would have to explain the mix-up to Walt Disney’s unfrozen brain, and how it ended up housed in Zer Blitzkreig Überbot.
So white supremacy’s marketers come up with adorable little girls who sing pop songs about hate. That’s the best they’ve got? I know attendance is down at Ku Klux Klan meetings now that the country’s literacy rate has rocketed above 12 percent, but still, there should have been enough people around for one of them to say, “Wait. Should we really spread the message of killing minorities through bouncy, danceable love songs?” Before this, the only thing bigotry had going for it was its edginess. At this point the white power people might as well start promoting Sparkly Marty, Racially Intolerant Master of Animal Balloonery.
Most of us associate racism with ignorance. But that’s not exactly true. I was never racist against hunchbacks until I learned that they’re all trying to trap and shave our cats. Someone taught these little girls the fundamental truths that they sing about in their song “Skinhead Boy:” “Oy oy oy skinhead boy, you’re my oy BOYOIEOY.” To their credit, though, most of their other songs are about Vikings and how awesome things are for Vikings after they die. Keep in mind that my research was limited, since ordering their CD would violate a rule I have about giving my credit card number to white supremacists. Here’s that rule in its entirety: “Dude, Don’t Be a Retard.” Luckily, the manager for Prussian Blue doesn’t hold himself to such high standards.
Skinhead Boy, however, is too damned catchy to post, and should only be used when researching a real life Song of Nephilim. Like all their songs, they manage to cross banal, middle of the road easy-listening music with offensive lyrics about race-wars and purging.
Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble - Reunification Rainbow!!!!
Crappy synthpop praising Kim Jong-Il, the Glorious Leader of North Korea.
Asia is not exempt from my wrath.
Limp Bizkit - Rollin'
Complete with bonus video!
I hate Fred Durst. More than I hate North Koreans, but less than I hate Lambs, Lanes, and Barney The Bear.
Here are some songs that didn't make the list.
Some jerk with a guitar - You Are White - Well, he just sort of disappeared from the internet, and as a result, I can't post the song. Don't worry, it's just a middle aged guy singing bland lyrics about how someone is white and therefore better than everyone else.
Every single retail music from hell song that makes me want to jam nails through my ears - Yeah, they're probably on YouTube, but I don't know the names of any of them. There's a topic on them here.
Something. I can't even remember the name of it. It was on some social networking site that is thankfully now defunct and hosted at least 5 godawful songs, one of which was another banal acoustic guitar song, and you can scroll up to see who we have to blame for this. The other, however, is bad in a different way. Now, since the difference between hearing a song and reading a description of it is like the difference between being struck by lightning and seeing it, you can reproduce the sound of this yourself by getting a broken amplifier and putting it on maximum volume, while running the vacuum cleaner and putting things in the blender.
PS: Don't put cats in the blender. While more accurate, it is also animal cruelty, and you know you're doing something really bad when even Hitler doesn't like what you're doing.
Yeah, this is what happens when you mess around with hex values in the music part of the rom. Granted, there are parts of it that are actually decent sounding, which is more than could be said about the other five.
Barney the Bear - Does A Bear Care (No question mark on the page)
Done by the same guy who did Charlie The Hamster, except slowed down. This one annoys me more than the others, which include a fish (reverb), a "beep" (?!?), and a goat (bleating), for some reason. I don't know why.
Prussian Blue - Victory
Not only is it sung really badly, but the instruments are out of tune, and they just sort of snarl. And I hate their political beliefs and since they won't seperate them from their music, I won't either. And they're responsible for the new generation of hate music, which is bland. Granted, the stuff they had before was awful and consisted of Strong Mad eating guitars and kicking trash cans while someone with Tourettes syndrome yells out stuff, most likely racial slurs.
Prussian Blue - Lamb Near The Lane
Check out the lyrics!
Anyway, I'll let Seanbaby talk about this one.
Racism is on its last legs. In less than a generation, racism has gone from a tragedy to a sitcom B-plot. Sure, racism is always there for you in case you need to win an argument against a white person, but as a danger to society, it doesn’t have the eye of the tiger it used to. Nothing makes that more clear than the white power movement’s latest propaganda machine: Prussian Blue. To envision this musical duo, imagine if there was a clerical error at the frozen brain reanimation center and Hitler accidentally got put inside the Olsen Twins. You’d have Prussian Blue. More importantly, if that happened, someone would have to explain the mix-up to Walt Disney’s unfrozen brain, and how it ended up housed in Zer Blitzkreig Überbot.
So white supremacy’s marketers come up with adorable little girls who sing pop songs about hate. That’s the best they’ve got? I know attendance is down at Ku Klux Klan meetings now that the country’s literacy rate has rocketed above 12 percent, but still, there should have been enough people around for one of them to say, “Wait. Should we really spread the message of killing minorities through bouncy, danceable love songs?” Before this, the only thing bigotry had going for it was its edginess. At this point the white power people might as well start promoting Sparkly Marty, Racially Intolerant Master of Animal Balloonery.
Most of us associate racism with ignorance. But that’s not exactly true. I was never racist against hunchbacks until I learned that they’re all trying to trap and shave our cats. Someone taught these little girls the fundamental truths that they sing about in their song “Skinhead Boy:” “Oy oy oy skinhead boy, you’re my oy BOYOIEOY.” To their credit, though, most of their other songs are about Vikings and how awesome things are for Vikings after they die. Keep in mind that my research was limited, since ordering their CD would violate a rule I have about giving my credit card number to white supremacists. Here’s that rule in its entirety: “Dude, Don’t Be a Retard.” Luckily, the manager for Prussian Blue doesn’t hold himself to such high standards.
Skinhead Boy, however, is too damned catchy to post, and should only be used when researching a real life Song of Nephilim. Like all their songs, they manage to cross banal, middle of the road easy-listening music with offensive lyrics about race-wars and purging.
Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble - Reunification Rainbow!!!!
Crappy synthpop praising Kim Jong-Il, the Glorious Leader of North Korea.
Asia is not exempt from my wrath.
Limp Bizkit - Rollin'
Complete with bonus video!
I hate Fred Durst. More than I hate North Koreans, but less than I hate Lambs, Lanes, and Barney The Bear.
Here are some songs that didn't make the list.
Some jerk with a guitar - You Are White - Well, he just sort of disappeared from the internet, and as a result, I can't post the song. Don't worry, it's just a middle aged guy singing bland lyrics about how someone is white and therefore better than everyone else.
Every single retail music from hell song that makes me want to jam nails through my ears - Yeah, they're probably on YouTube, but I don't know the names of any of them. There's a topic on them here.
Something. I can't even remember the name of it. It was on some social networking site that is thankfully now defunct and hosted at least 5 godawful songs, one of which was another banal acoustic guitar song, and you can scroll up to see who we have to blame for this. The other, however, is bad in a different way. Now, since the difference between hearing a song and reading a description of it is like the difference between being struck by lightning and seeing it, you can reproduce the sound of this yourself by getting a broken amplifier and putting it on maximum volume, while running the vacuum cleaner and putting things in the blender.
PS: Don't put cats in the blender. While more accurate, it is also animal cruelty, and you know you're doing something really bad when even Hitler doesn't like what you're doing.
