the replica of the soul

Ashley said no when I asked her if there was anything wrong, and since she's obviously not Christina or Kate, who can say for sure? When I asked her if I was making her uncomfortable, she walked away and kind of trailed off, and if what she had to say was meant to be reassuring of whatever, I couldn't make it out. She trailed off about Celestis. I guess what I'm saying is all we can do is make our best attempt and move on, and that the right decision isn't always a happy one. I think what I'm afraid of is that she's trying to be nice and lying to me. And she doesn't have to pretend to be nice, she is nice.
And you can't say I'm being self-centered because the first thing I asked her when I saw her was about her trip. Her description of her European vacation was as terrible as I expected. And then some. I'll share it with you because it will serve to illustrate what Ashley considers to be an adequate chronicle. "uh, Germany… and Spain…"
I told her that it was like part of her is missing, and that I hope she feels better soon.
I was hoping that when I showed her the heron picture and mocked Jack for his utter ineptitude with all things photography, she'd laugh and I'd be able to see a glimpse of the Ashley I knew, but, no, nothing. And so I told her that I really do want to be friends with her but I think that our friendship had run its course and I'm finding it to be too emotionally draining to maintain. Her response was "k" as if this were Tales For The Leet or something. I'm so dejected over this and over Ashley's utter lack of empathy that I'm having a hard time concentrating. She jests at scars that have never felt a wound.

Ideally this will go the way Fate and Freedom did. I did tell her about some upcoming stuff, a few more chances for her to meet Gabriella or Emma. I'm glad she's not leaving but maybe I'm only just holding out hope that the old Ashley who would talk to me about music and art and politics will come back.

To paraphrase Radiance, the sun could come up blue as Neptune in the morning, ice might turn to fire when it melts, I might become the long jump champion of the world, but Ashley won't go to a concert with me. Maybe Becky Chambers will win the uncoveted Dragon Award. Seriously, the Dragon Award is like that cake Marge bakes for Homer with random letters stuck to it. Something for the Sad Puppies to shit on and draw them away from actual awards. But Ashley won't go to a concert with me.

Gabriella didn't show up either but she at least said something about not being able to make it on Thursday nights. I was hoping she'd be around if only so I could tell her that she can take all the time she needs with Celestis and then some. Actually, to Ashley's credit, she said she wasn't going to be able to go or maybe she was planning to stay home and watch cartoons but didn't want to hurt my feelings.

***

The good thing about postponing the concert until the next day was that I could talk to Ashley beforehand. That wasn't actually a good thing.

Emma was wearing mirrored sunglasses and she knows they're ridiculous and she has read Neuromancer. She's into photography and likes taking photos of people and taking out of focus photographs of anything. Emma's a common name as of late, I've even met a dog named Emma, who is two and a half years old and still acts like a puppy, while Luna is a puppy and likes to gnaw on my hand and Elvis will give you a high five.

Sam has the word promise tattooed on her arm and I think she had a flower tattooed on her other arm. Emily and Liza were with her. Kristina and Jess got off and took photographs at Downtown Crossing and I was like "oh, sorry, I thought you already got pictures. I'm not myself today."

This guy, Mike or Matt, was talking about a smart watch or something and how it looks like an actual watch and not something out of Inspector Gadget.
"all work and no pay make Mike something something."
I said "Go crazy?"
"Don't mind if I do!"
I ran into Emily from children of the revolution on my way out of Pauli's. She's totally amazed I remembered her name. She recognized me by my art style, which is pretty cool.

Kathy had a drawing of a gargoyle at the Gardner Museum and said that it took her a long time to get the shading right and said the art of sound exhibit was wonderfully interactive.
she had with her a drawing by a six year old, depicting an Ice Cream Castle although I have no idea why anyone would ever want to live in a castle made of ice cream, and she has no idea how the leash ties into the rest of it.

They used a Turkish Crescent for the Turkish March from The Ruins of Athens even though there's nothing about it in the notes. It was something they cobbled together from metal bits bought from hardware stores.
The Romance in F Major was an older work played by a one-armed violinist.

The incidental music from Egmont, which is about a man who sacrifices his life to take a stand against oppression, included a song by a soprano backed by prominent piccolo and timpani to mimic the fife and drums.

There were so many people on stage that some of the chorus members had to stand off stage for the last movement of Beethoven's 9th symphony.

I overheard a conversation involving a man who thought that Quincy was part of Boston.

Diana and like 4 other people were all noshing on pizza. I'm not sure how familiar they are with the Green Line but I'm sure they'd be impressed with that one guy who was eating pizza on a Green Line train 15 years ago. I told her she was lucky she wasn't in Washington D.C., where they will scan you for crumbs.

There was a man with silver in his hair covered in tattoos of flowers, with a skull on his neck.

There was a conversation half in Russian and half in English. I know nyet means no and da means yes, the latter of which is true for most Slavic languages but unsurprisingly not Czech or Polish and surprisingly not Belarusian and Ukranian, and pravda means bullshit.

Guy from New Delhi was talking about how they got new trains there but they're still bumpy. In Delhi, this is considered violet and this is considered green. But at least they actually put color the trains unlike WASHINGTON D.C.

burning question: does the human spirit exist? does a paradox effect lie in the heart of all humans?