Operations of the Heart
Apr. 22nd, 2008 07:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yamamanamaNo, that's not the title of the Ateaser's screenplay (as far as I know); it's a chapter title from Light by M. John Harrison. I was like "I'm going to call this Misprision of Dreams" but I realized "hey, I'm doing a FFIV strategy guide some time this summer, even if nobody's going to read it," and "this one may not make any sense in context, but it's still better than Kill Him, Bella or Gold Diggers Of 2400 AD"
Also, let it be said that if Miyomi is ever nice to me, I will eat my shoe.
Burning Question: Are at least half of Final Fantasy IV characters albino? I think they are. Cecil looks albino and is probably based on Elric of Melniboné. Edge and Spoony Bard are definitely albino. Rosa is albino. Kain may or may not be albino. Rydia hides it with green hair dye.
Chris said there's a fine line between stupidity and absurdism, and nobody is really sure what side this falls on. Then we discussed how to permanently kill Tails.
Radio Nowhere
My screenplay is about Dostoevsky, a Russian transvestite who gives blowjobs for minimum wage in 1876 Soviet Russia. Her friend Boris steals her gold and magic slippers, and she loses all her hair after an unfortunate encounter with a one-legged toddler named Rishenko.
Anyway, long story short: she is on the verge of suicide when she realizes a magical city named Klyvendale exists inside her anal cavity. It's inhabited by miniature dwarves (hopefully to be played by Rob Schneider on a green screen). Marvin Short (brother of Martin from the Charles Grodin epic "Clifford") also pops out of her ear lobe once in a while to recite "Jabberwocky" in Pig Latin.
I'm trying to get Spike Jonze to direct it. James Earl Jones will hopefully play the role of the transvestite Russian whore.
Any thoughts on this plot? Any constructive criticism/feedback/ideas?
Thanks.
fvertk
The climax of the story should be a scene where she is torn between the promised fortune of a young entrepreneur who wants anal and her deep sympathy of the tiny nation that would be utterly destroyed in doing so.
alan
and each thrust is like the fiery wave of destruction featured in "independence day"
again and again and again
also, it'll briefly stop, and the single mom will hug her child in terror and the guy in the car will slowly get out and stare at the FLOOD OF SEMEN approaching.
oh
it'll be so apocalyptic. and so expensive
the king left
what about poop? doesn't poop count for mass destruction?
radio nowhere
No. The dwarves in the city inside her anus are like the Twelve Dwarfs from Snow White. Except their equivalent of coal mining is scooping the poop out. It's their job in the city! It's how they make their living.
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm on page 346 and things are starting to really get going, now. I just introduced Phal Licks, the villain who seeks to exploit her. She also falls in love with a Hungarian priest named Indian Ajohns.
me
Have the dwarves battle intestinal parasites.
Also, it should be a musical.
alan
goddamn it, this aint osmosis jones.
it's Indian Ajones laugh.gif
(they use diarrhea to irrigate their crops - floodin season! ph34r.gif )
lover's spit
I refuse to see how the dwarves could survive diarrhea but not semen. That's just a gaping plot hole waiting to happen.
alan
not when you see it in action.
fecal matter of all consistencies is no stranger to this environment, so it would make sense that they would harness its power in liquid form (as they do in more solid forms). and the flooding, if it's particularly bad, could do some serious damage as well
semen not only accompanies anal sex (something that could arguably have the effect of a devastating earthquake, not to mention a foreign object entering in a direction they've spent their whole civilization building as if everything exits and not enters) but semen is also erratic, and shoots off like a reloadable cannon more than being a stream of feces. a devastating reloadable cannon the size of god, actually. and the sperm contained within are know to attach and parasitically consume whoever it wriggles closest to
so theres very different parameters that would make one ecological and the other catastrophic
radio nowhere
The semen is their equivalent of a snowy day in December.
eat shadows
Wow! this is going to be more epic than the Lord of the Rings!
That's what we have so far.
Rachel
communicative hand and facial gestures.
Actually, I didn't ask. But if I was her and she was me, I'd say "is this a test to determine whether I am a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Lampyrine?"
Shayna
"I have no idea."
Katie
"I think there's a gray area where everything blurs together. Not everything fits into nice little categories."
Dana
"It needs to be more cohesive"
The Musicians
I didn't ask. That would just be awkward. More awkward than Rachel, even. And I feel like my mouth is filled up with peanut butter half the time I'm around her, even when it's not.
But they played Irish music. And it's really nice out.
Heather
I was not expecting this. But it was really cool anyway and added to my Amp bliss-out. mmm... drone and Gregorian chant. I immediately thought of Persephone. Once I knew someone who called herself Ceres. She wouldn't get it.
She doesn't have Veniss Underground yet. She asked if it was funny. It's not, mostly, but it is quite interesting. If you're wondering, it's a far-future retelling of Orpheus and Eurydice.
Burning Question: If Eddie Izzard met the evil queen who hates cake and asked "Cake or death?" what would she say? I was going to ask Heather about it had I not been in a state of bliss due to Amp's perception album and talking to someone I haven't seen in a while.
Frankie Meg
Neglected to ask, since I didn't have time anyway.
Liz
Since I didn't have time, the mix CDs have priority. She liked them, as I expected. In your face, Hunewearl.
The Musicians
These one played Afro-Brazilian music (guitar and tambourine). Very, very good stuff.
Liz
I'm kicking myself for not showing her Bobby Neurotic Eats A Sandwich when I had the chance. Unlike Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe, it does not deliver what it promises. But it's funnier that way.
Dana
"I prefer to wander around when it has a purpose."
Elizabeth
Dana says: "Melissa was a masculine name once. No, I'm making that up."
Lesson Learned: Dick Van Dyke's name, when rendered through a V-chip and subtitled, translates as Jerk Van Gay.
Burning Question: Who thought Homer being raped by a panda would be a good Simpsons plot? I'd really like to kick that person in the crotch. To its credit, Bart's line about making an unholy super-lizardhamster hybrid thing was a great line.
Also, let it be said that if Miyomi is ever nice to me, I will eat my shoe.
Burning Question: Are at least half of Final Fantasy IV characters albino? I think they are. Cecil looks albino and is probably based on Elric of Melniboné. Edge and Spoony Bard are definitely albino. Rosa is albino. Kain may or may not be albino. Rydia hides it with green hair dye.
Chris said there's a fine line between stupidity and absurdism, and nobody is really sure what side this falls on. Then we discussed how to permanently kill Tails.
Radio Nowhere
My screenplay is about Dostoevsky, a Russian transvestite who gives blowjobs for minimum wage in 1876 Soviet Russia. Her friend Boris steals her gold and magic slippers, and she loses all her hair after an unfortunate encounter with a one-legged toddler named Rishenko.
Anyway, long story short: she is on the verge of suicide when she realizes a magical city named Klyvendale exists inside her anal cavity. It's inhabited by miniature dwarves (hopefully to be played by Rob Schneider on a green screen). Marvin Short (brother of Martin from the Charles Grodin epic "Clifford") also pops out of her ear lobe once in a while to recite "Jabberwocky" in Pig Latin.
I'm trying to get Spike Jonze to direct it. James Earl Jones will hopefully play the role of the transvestite Russian whore.
Any thoughts on this plot? Any constructive criticism/feedback/ideas?
Thanks.
fvertk
The climax of the story should be a scene where she is torn between the promised fortune of a young entrepreneur who wants anal and her deep sympathy of the tiny nation that would be utterly destroyed in doing so.
alan
and each thrust is like the fiery wave of destruction featured in "independence day"
again and again and again
also, it'll briefly stop, and the single mom will hug her child in terror and the guy in the car will slowly get out and stare at the FLOOD OF SEMEN approaching.
oh
it'll be so apocalyptic. and so expensive
the king left
what about poop? doesn't poop count for mass destruction?
radio nowhere
No. The dwarves in the city inside her anus are like the Twelve Dwarfs from Snow White. Except their equivalent of coal mining is scooping the poop out. It's their job in the city! It's how they make their living.
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm on page 346 and things are starting to really get going, now. I just introduced Phal Licks, the villain who seeks to exploit her. She also falls in love with a Hungarian priest named Indian Ajohns.
me
Have the dwarves battle intestinal parasites.
Also, it should be a musical.
alan
goddamn it, this aint osmosis jones.
it's Indian Ajones laugh.gif
(they use diarrhea to irrigate their crops - floodin season! ph34r.gif )
lover's spit
I refuse to see how the dwarves could survive diarrhea but not semen. That's just a gaping plot hole waiting to happen.
alan
not when you see it in action.
fecal matter of all consistencies is no stranger to this environment, so it would make sense that they would harness its power in liquid form (as they do in more solid forms). and the flooding, if it's particularly bad, could do some serious damage as well
semen not only accompanies anal sex (something that could arguably have the effect of a devastating earthquake, not to mention a foreign object entering in a direction they've spent their whole civilization building as if everything exits and not enters) but semen is also erratic, and shoots off like a reloadable cannon more than being a stream of feces. a devastating reloadable cannon the size of god, actually. and the sperm contained within are know to attach and parasitically consume whoever it wriggles closest to
so theres very different parameters that would make one ecological and the other catastrophic
radio nowhere
The semen is their equivalent of a snowy day in December.
eat shadows
Wow! this is going to be more epic than the Lord of the Rings!
That's what we have so far.
Rachel
communicative hand and facial gestures.
Actually, I didn't ask. But if I was her and she was me, I'd say "is this a test to determine whether I am a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Lampyrine?"
Shayna
"I have no idea."
Katie
"I think there's a gray area where everything blurs together. Not everything fits into nice little categories."
Dana
"It needs to be more cohesive"
The Musicians
I didn't ask. That would just be awkward. More awkward than Rachel, even. And I feel like my mouth is filled up with peanut butter half the time I'm around her, even when it's not.
But they played Irish music. And it's really nice out.
Heather
I was not expecting this. But it was really cool anyway and added to my Amp bliss-out. mmm... drone and Gregorian chant. I immediately thought of Persephone. Once I knew someone who called herself Ceres. She wouldn't get it.
She doesn't have Veniss Underground yet. She asked if it was funny. It's not, mostly, but it is quite interesting. If you're wondering, it's a far-future retelling of Orpheus and Eurydice.
Burning Question: If Eddie Izzard met the evil queen who hates cake and asked "Cake or death?" what would she say? I was going to ask Heather about it had I not been in a state of bliss due to Amp's perception album and talking to someone I haven't seen in a while.
Frankie Meg
Neglected to ask, since I didn't have time anyway.
Liz
Since I didn't have time, the mix CDs have priority. She liked them, as I expected. In your face, Hunewearl.
The Musicians
These one played Afro-Brazilian music (guitar and tambourine). Very, very good stuff.
Liz
I'm kicking myself for not showing her Bobby Neurotic Eats A Sandwich when I had the chance. Unlike Werner Herzog Eats His Shoe, it does not deliver what it promises. But it's funnier that way.
Dana
"I prefer to wander around when it has a purpose."
Elizabeth
Dana says: "Melissa was a masculine name once. No, I'm making that up."
Lesson Learned: Dick Van Dyke's name, when rendered through a V-chip and subtitled, translates as Jerk Van Gay.
Burning Question: Who thought Homer being raped by a panda would be a good Simpsons plot? I'd really like to kick that person in the crotch. To its credit, Bart's line about making an unholy super-lizardhamster hybrid thing was a great line.
