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yamamanamaFrom Uncyclopedia:
Giant enemy crabs are a rare species of crab found along the Japanese coast. Although they were once fairly commonly distributed along the Japanese archipelago, extensive hunting and planned attacks on spawning sites have caused the number of giant enemy crabs to severely dwindle, especially during the early 20th century. Giant enemy crabs are the largest species of crab in the world; unfortunately, they are also the most hostile and the worst tasting type of crab as well.
Physical characteristics
Giant enemy crabs are typically dull coloured, with varieties in grey or brown. They usually feature prominent markings along their top shells, usually in the form of greenish or bluish spots. Mature giant enemy crabs can measure almost 12 metres across, with heights of about 5.5 metres, on average. Even proportionately speaking, giant enemy crabs have very large claws, which have enough force to break an adult cow in half. Giant enemy crabs have particularly hard shells, although a weak spot on their underside means that they can theoretically be attacked for MASSIVE DAMAGE once the crab is flipped over. A gland in their abdomen allows them to spew acid, which is capable of melting even the strongest armour.
Unlike giant bears, giant enemy crabs are fairly unintelligent. Average ACT scores among the giant enemy crab population have remained at 9 for the past fifty years, prompting concern among giant enemy crab educators.
Giant enemy crabs can live for up to 60 years.
Habits and habitat
Giant enemy crabs typically live far offshore, in the deepest parts of the ocean where they have the most space to maneouvre their large bulks around. They are highly aggressive, and the mating season usually results in violent battles for mates. During the months of June and July, it is common to see large crab limbs floating amidst the ocean. Giant enemy crabs are mostly scavenger hunters, although they are not above attacking fishing vessels and dining on their produce as a treat.
An aggressive giant enemy crab will typically attack with its massive claws, resorting to its acidic breath only as a last resort.
They have also been reported to play the PSX game "Ridge Racer". It seems to be there only weakness aside from the MASSIVE DAMAGE.
Historical significance
Due to their proximity to Japan, giant enemy crabs have played a significant role in Japanese history, particularly in influencing battles that actually took place in ancient Japan. The most famous of those battles in which giant enemy crabs were involved is the Battle of Genji, in which a contingent of 3,000 Japanese soldiers was massacred by several dozen giant enemy crabs in 1149. The tide of the battle turned in favour of the Japanese due to the advancement of two military technologies in the same year: the ability to change weapons in real time and the tactic of flipping opponents over for MASSIVE DAMAGE (the Japanese would later utilise this tactic at Pearl Harbor on the USS Arizona). The crabs were driven back to the ocean in 1151.
However, the attacks resulted in long-term animosity towards giant enemy crabs. Throughout the next several centuries, efforts were made to completely exterminate the giant enemy crab population, which was only fairly recently opposed by conservationalist Oda Nobunaga in 1952. Bitter debates have been held as to the status of the giant enemy crab; while the international community has expressed a strong desire to aid giant enemy crabs, Japan has been reluctant to implement measures that could help the crabs' endangered status.
Giant enemy crabs in media
Sony is planning on releasing a video game for the Playstation 3 that chronicles the attack of the giant enemy crabs. There are plans to release a film based on the same event.
The sequel to Snakes On A Plane is rumored to be Giant Enemy Crabs On A Plane!
Ok, yes, that was filler. If the domain name worked, I'd have saved the Giant Enemy Crab filler for later and included a video of some jerk singing a really cheesy about potatoes and Glorious Leader Kim. And navigating the site wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.
You have three days to get those Delerium albums that Wishingstar posted.
Giant enemy crabs are a rare species of crab found along the Japanese coast. Although they were once fairly commonly distributed along the Japanese archipelago, extensive hunting and planned attacks on spawning sites have caused the number of giant enemy crabs to severely dwindle, especially during the early 20th century. Giant enemy crabs are the largest species of crab in the world; unfortunately, they are also the most hostile and the worst tasting type of crab as well.
Physical characteristics
Giant enemy crabs are typically dull coloured, with varieties in grey or brown. They usually feature prominent markings along their top shells, usually in the form of greenish or bluish spots. Mature giant enemy crabs can measure almost 12 metres across, with heights of about 5.5 metres, on average. Even proportionately speaking, giant enemy crabs have very large claws, which have enough force to break an adult cow in half. Giant enemy crabs have particularly hard shells, although a weak spot on their underside means that they can theoretically be attacked for MASSIVE DAMAGE once the crab is flipped over. A gland in their abdomen allows them to spew acid, which is capable of melting even the strongest armour.
Unlike giant bears, giant enemy crabs are fairly unintelligent. Average ACT scores among the giant enemy crab population have remained at 9 for the past fifty years, prompting concern among giant enemy crab educators.
Giant enemy crabs can live for up to 60 years.
Habits and habitat
Giant enemy crabs typically live far offshore, in the deepest parts of the ocean where they have the most space to maneouvre their large bulks around. They are highly aggressive, and the mating season usually results in violent battles for mates. During the months of June and July, it is common to see large crab limbs floating amidst the ocean. Giant enemy crabs are mostly scavenger hunters, although they are not above attacking fishing vessels and dining on their produce as a treat.
An aggressive giant enemy crab will typically attack with its massive claws, resorting to its acidic breath only as a last resort.
They have also been reported to play the PSX game "Ridge Racer". It seems to be there only weakness aside from the MASSIVE DAMAGE.
Historical significance
Due to their proximity to Japan, giant enemy crabs have played a significant role in Japanese history, particularly in influencing battles that actually took place in ancient Japan. The most famous of those battles in which giant enemy crabs were involved is the Battle of Genji, in which a contingent of 3,000 Japanese soldiers was massacred by several dozen giant enemy crabs in 1149. The tide of the battle turned in favour of the Japanese due to the advancement of two military technologies in the same year: the ability to change weapons in real time and the tactic of flipping opponents over for MASSIVE DAMAGE (the Japanese would later utilise this tactic at Pearl Harbor on the USS Arizona). The crabs were driven back to the ocean in 1151.
However, the attacks resulted in long-term animosity towards giant enemy crabs. Throughout the next several centuries, efforts were made to completely exterminate the giant enemy crab population, which was only fairly recently opposed by conservationalist Oda Nobunaga in 1952. Bitter debates have been held as to the status of the giant enemy crab; while the international community has expressed a strong desire to aid giant enemy crabs, Japan has been reluctant to implement measures that could help the crabs' endangered status.
Giant enemy crabs in media
Sony is planning on releasing a video game for the Playstation 3 that chronicles the attack of the giant enemy crabs. There are plans to release a film based on the same event.
The sequel to Snakes On A Plane is rumored to be Giant Enemy Crabs On A Plane!
Ok, yes, that was filler. If the domain name worked, I'd have saved the Giant Enemy Crab filler for later and included a video of some jerk singing a really cheesy about potatoes and Glorious Leader Kim. And navigating the site wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.
You have three days to get those Delerium albums that Wishingstar posted.
