yamamanama | The Twelve Days of Wonky Roms

I really didn’t want to play this game. Especially after something like Ristar. Even Hello Kitty was more tolerable. The graphics are awful by Genesis standards, the controls make Hello Kitty seem sober by comparison. It’s like listening to the Arjuna and Aquarion soundtrack before moving on to The Right Brothers. I’d say it’s like Arjuna OST 1 vs. Arjuna OST 2, but that requires Bubba n’ Stix to actually be, you know, good.
Well, um, the hero is a hillbilly that throws a stick. And I’ve been putting off playing it after I beat Ristar, using GFF being down as an excuse.

Fortunately, it’s only four levels. Or the guy at SomethingAwful only managed to play through four of the levels.
The intro music sounds like a really bad ripoff of Laotian pop without everything that makes Laotian music good. That translates to a synth organ and lots and lots of drugs. Everything is drugs. Banana made of drugs, monkey made of drugs, even our money's drugs.
Alien Forest: All the trees have faces! Yay! There’s a part where you have to scale a wall somehow, and I can’t figure it out. I hate this game.

Ok, you have to attach Stix into the wall. I figured that out by, um, mashing buttons. You have to do it again, which totally sucks. Unfortunately, at this point, Bubba “forgot” how to mash Stix into the wall, which means I’m going to be mashing buttons until summer. The problem is there’s no hole in the wall like the first one. However, there are two little guys that serve no purpose whatever. You can’t do anything with the stick, you can’t bounce on them, you can’t do ANYTHING.

I’d seriously have smashed the cartridge if I was playing this on a Genesis.

Four hours later...

I finally made it past that. The green guy will eventually catch Stix and hand it to his buddy, who makes a platform.
Holy crap! I actually made it! An alien appears and teleports you with his gun to...

Waldos Spaceship: It looks Early 1990s PC game bad. It’s even more incomprehensible and crappy looking than the first level. Um. You have to open four gates.

I opened two before I decided “Screw this” and went to bed and posted on GFF and watched Wolf’s Rain and other more interesting things.

DAY TWO.
Today, I went food shopping instead of playing Bubba ‘n’ Stix.

Even with hentacles in a cage, this game still feels dull.

So yeah, here. you have to lead a walking bottle of Suspicious White Stuff to a red guy.
Ok, I opened all of the doors.

What is this? No, really. What?

The Volcano: It’s a lot like Planet Scorch with more suck and graphics made by drunken hillbillies with MS Paint and music by somebody from Bakersfield instead of a Japanese woman named Tomoko Sasaki. Except for the last part. I only assumed it was composed by someone from Bakersfield since the only place with worse music than Bakersfield is Pyongyang. Anyway, the only thing putting Pyongyang on top is the fact that there are two bands in Bakersfield that are “decent.” And by decent, I mean, they’re decent when you’ve never been exposed to anything else and Korn (yeah, I should make the R backwards with the Cyrillic font, but whatever.) was lucky enough to be popular at the same time as Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock. Much like Gamefaqs is a “decent” discussion forum when you’re new to the internet.
At one point, you have to cross a tight rope. Ways to fall off include “walking too fast,” “getting hit by the nearly invisible falling rocks,” “trying to move out of the way of the nearly invisible falling rocks,” or “not standing perfectly still while swaying after being hit by the nearly invisible falling rocks.” Things that lead to more than one of the above, such as “mashing the directional pad while ripping your controller into tiny pieces,” make you fall too. Usually, you fall into the lava, hurting yourself and probably dying because the bat attacked you while Stix was in the wall, taking away precious hit points. And if you don’t land in the lava, you have to mash Stix into the wall while a burst of flame comes out of the ground. The problem here is that he’ll probably swing Stix or maybe throw him.
Then you have to go back because there’s a wall and you probably have to manipulate the ball.
Then you have to get past about 20 bats, which are nearly invisible. Grr. Then comes a part where you have to turn on all of the purple light bulbs and ... Wolf’s Rain episode 5 is finished? I’m going to watch that instead.

Get the rom on SomethingAwful. If you take a screenshot of the ending, you may have a surprise. Spelled P I G T A I L S. Keep in mind that I've never seen the ending, so please don't be too unconvincing and simply replace Ristar with Bubba's face, ok?